to-may-to soup

Apologies for entries in non-chronological order. I write only when I feel like it so of course I might reference things that I haven't blogged about yet. Oh and I always seem to write in "stream of consciousness" style which I always thought was just a writer's excuse for being disorganized.

So it's finally happening. I've read forum threads complaining about those insatiable cravings that dieters get eventually from denying themselves certain foods but I wasn't worried about it until now. I guess it's just been a combination of stress/boredom from work and the fact that I my apartment in NYC is vacant 90% of the time and I'm still working my hands bloody to pay the rent. Arghhhhh.

My diet has been pretty successful these past seven or so months. I started at the end of March. I'm embarrassed to say that my motivation was some of my celebrity crushes. It was like: Christine, either you get slim and average now or you blow up like a balloon and you will regret it for the REST of your life. I had more time to manage my diet then and I had just started to hang out with friends again. My therapy was going well and I knew I was going to have to start changing my lifestyle in the time between graduation and college (I can't afford to be a victim of the dreaded "freshmen 15").
I realized that it was getting so incredibly hard to fit into anything: shirts, pants, shorts, even rings and bracelets. It was getting to the point where I always wore a sweatshirt to hide my curves. I was approaching 220+ and was just getting out of a bout of depression which had affected my heavy involvement in sports and academics. Yes, I was once an A-student and active swimmer. Then I started to refuse to attend class/music lessons and even skipping Asian club- the one place I could just be completely myself. I used to either sit for hours reflecting on how dire the situation had become or immersing myself in the internet doing shopping, reading, and watching Asian dramas.

But those are things of the past - I am proud to say that I have lost 50+ pounds and have gone from a size 16+ to a size 10. I have been calorie-counting (simply using calorie-count.com) and keeping a detailed daily diet log. I limit my sugar/fat intake and take multi-vitamins and I abstain from junk food like chips and candy. My average caloric intake used to be 2800+, but now it's 1500. I just didn't realize that I was eating so much at the time since I thought I was eating pretty healthy natural, low-sodium foods (rice, chicken, no red meats/candy/cookies) and I didn't eat massive portions either but I guess it still added up. I figured that I would have to start exercising so I signed up at a local gym. I started with basic machine work for 45+ minutes every other day and occasional weightlifting for some toning. I can't manage to go that often anymore now but I have still kept a steady rate of 2 pounds a week. Until now.

So I'm resorting tomato soup - good thing I still have some low-fat taco cheese and bowtie pasta left 'cause I can never have plain tomato soup.